Linda

I became aware that I had a weight problem at age 8. By age 13, I had taken my first diet pill. Over the next 35 years, that pill was followed by other drugs, diet candy, canned diet drinks, a liquid protein diet, an expensive avoidance clinic, starvation, overdosing coffee, and finally, Overeaters Anonymous (OA). I wish I had known that my weight problem was simply a reaction to sugars, flours, and wheat.

The refined carbohydrates caused swings in my brain chemistry which drove my appetite completely beyond human control. These substances caused horrifying changes in my moods and perceptions. I was miserable, isolated, angry, and disgusted with myself. No matter what I weighed, my self-esteem was gone.

When I first married, I made and ate one layer of cake every day. I remember with agony the intense feeling of isolation as I ate those cakes. I might as well have been shooting up drugs. I had a husband, a baby, a house, and two cars, but I was not happy. I was depressed and confused. I abused my child because her crying made me so irritable. I really didn't know what to do for myself, much less for her. My moods and foods were out of control.

This low self-esteem led me to other substance abuse. I used marijuana and alcohol to numb my feelings of despair. Over-the-counter decongestants made me float.

However, I had to "hit bottom" before I was willing to accept help. "Bottom" came one day when I was stuffing a bag of cookies into my mouth as fast as I could. I was conscious that I didn't want to be eating the cookies. I was painfully aware that some force, other than myself, had complete control over my actions. The terror and dark despair that I experienced led me to call a friend who had joined a recovery program that eliminated sugars, flours, and wheat. I was saved.

I gave up a heavy caffeine habit at the same time that I started avoiding reactive foods. Withdrawal from these substances took 14 days. I was extremely disoriented, insecure, fatigued, and confused for those 14 days. I never want to go through that again.

I would love to take up another addiction, but recovery is the only good substitute for addictions. I have spent my whole life asking myself, "Where am I going?" Today, I feel like I am here. Thank God.